Three women and three men are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the men.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the women.
They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed man.
"Watch and learn," answer the women.
When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into
a toilet and the three women cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly
after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet
and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding. The woman knocks on
their door and says, "Ticket, please."
I'm still trying to figure out why men ever think they are smarter than women!!!
THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'
The girl Said 'NO!' and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, never had gas pains because she farted where and whenever she wanted, traveled more, had many lovers, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.
The End
Economy Notice
Due to recent budget cuts and the cost of electricity, gas and
oil,
As well as current market conditions
And the continued decline of the U.S. Economy,
The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
We apologize for the inconvenience.
Holy Email
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When he returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.'
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were
good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something
to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
The Power Of The Federal Badge
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Montana , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The old rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there", as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the farmer. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish...on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The old rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased close behind by the rancher's prize bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get "horned" before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The old rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge...show him your badge!"
CINNAMON AND HONEY (I'm not sure how true these things are, but I did check out Snopes.com and they hadn't refuted them.)
Facts on Honey and Cinnamon: It is found that a mixture of honey and cinnamon cures most diseases. honey is produced in most of the countries of the world. Scientists of today also accept honey as a 'Ram Ban' (very effective) medicine or all kinds of diseases.
Honey can be used without any side effects for any kind of diseases.
Today's science says that even though honey is sweet, if taken in the right dosage as a medicine, it does not harm diabetic patients. Weekly World News, a magazine in Canada, in its issue dated 17 January,1995 has given the following list of diseases that can be cured by honey and cinnamon as researched by western scientists:
HEART DISEASES:
Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, apply on bread, instead of jelly
and jam, and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol in the
arteries and saves the patient from heart attack. Also those who have already
had an attack, if they do this process daily, they are kept miles away from
the next attack. Regular use of the above process relieves loss of breath and
strengthens the heart beat.
Arthritis patients:
may take daily, morning, and night, one cup of hot water with two spoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. If Taken regularly even chronic arthritis can be cured. In a recent research conducted at Copenhagen University, it was found that when the doctors treated their patients with a mixture of one tablespoon of Honey and half teaspoon of cinnamon powder before breakfast, they found that within a week, out of the 200 people so treated, practically 73 patients were totally relieved of pain, and within a month, mostly all the patients who could not walk or move around because of arthritis started walking without pain.
BLADDER INFECTIONS:
Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a glass
of lukewarm water and drink it. It destroys the germs in the bladder.
CHOLESTEROL:
Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of Cinnamon Powder mixed in 16
ounces of tea water, given to a cholesterol patient, was found to reduce The
level of cholesterol in the blood by 10 percent within two hours. As mentioned
for arthritic patients, if taken three times a day, any chronic cholesterol
is cured. According to information received in the said Journal, pure honey
taken with food daily relieves complaints of cholesterol.
COLDS:
Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon lukewarm
honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for three days. This Process will
cure most chronic cough, cold, and clear the sinuses.
UPSET STOMACH:
Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach ache and also clears stomach
ulcers from the root.
GAS:
According to the studies done in India and Japan, it is revealed that if honey
is taken with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of gas.
IMMUNE SYSTEM:
Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects
the body from bacteria and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has
various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant use of honey strengthens
the white blood corpuscles to fight bacteria and viral diseases.
INDIGESTION:
Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food relieves
acidity and digests the heaviest of meals.
INFLUENZA:
A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a natural 'Ingredient' Which
kills the influenza germs and saves the patient from flu.
LONGEVITY:
Tea made with honey and cinnamon powder, when taken regularly, arrests the ravages
of old age. Take four spoons of honey, one spoon of cinnamon powder And three
cups of water and boil to make like tea. Drink 1/4 cup, three to four times
a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft and arrests old age. Life spans also
increases and even a 100 year old, starts performing the chores of a 20-year-old.
PIMPLES:
Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste apply this
paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it next morning with Warm water.
If done daily for two weeks, it removes pimples from the root.
SKIN INFECTIONS:
Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts cures
eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections.
WEIGHT LOSS:
Daily in the morning one half hour before breakfast on an empty stomach and
at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in one cup
of water. If taken regularly, it reduces the weight of even the most obese person.
Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in
the body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet.
CANCER:
Recent research in Japan and Australia has revealed that advanced cancer of
the stomach and bones have been cured successfully. Patients suffering from
these kinds of cancer should daily take one tablespoon of honey with one teaspoon
of cinnamon powder for one month three time s a day.
FATIGUE:
Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more helpful rather
than being detrimental to the strength of the body. Senior citizens, who take
honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts, are more alert and flexible. Dr. Milton,
who has done research, says that a half tablespoon of honey taken in a glass
of water and sprinkled with cinnamon powder, taken daily after brushing and
in the afternoon at about 3:00 P.M. When the vitality of the body starts to
decrease, increases the vitality of the body within a week.
BAD BREATH:
People of South America, first thing in the morning, gargle with one teaspoon
of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water, so their breath stays fresh
throughout the day.
HEARING LOSS:
Daily morning and night honey and cinnamon powder, taken in equal parts restore
hearing. Remember when we were kids? We had toast with real butter and cinnamon
sprinkled on it!
ARTHRITIS:
In America and Canada, various nursing homes have treated patients successfully
and have found that as you age, the arteries and veins lose their flexibility
and get clogged; honey and cinnamon revitalize the arteries and veins.
Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an Astrologist.
VIRGO (The One that Waits)
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last
word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted.
Easy to please. The one and only.
SCORPIO (The Addict)
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent Very Sexy Loves to joke. Good sense of humor.
Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive.
Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring.
LIBRA (The Lame One)
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet.
Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not
the kind of person you wanna mess with... You might end up crying.
ARIES (The Liar)
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser.
EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud.
AQUARIUS (Does It In The Water)
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term
relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations.
Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.
GEMINI (Irresistible)
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Very Good in the you know where
... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy.
Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful
smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.
LEO (The Lion)
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is
really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down
to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative.
Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found.
CANCER (The Cutie)
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic.
Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and
proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will
Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.
PISCES (The Partner for Life)
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word.
Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around.. Extremely weird but In a good
way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves
to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet.
CAPRICO RN (The Passionate Lover)
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible.
Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she
wants. Cool. Loves to own Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke.
Smart.
TAURUS (The Tramp)
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for
what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good
kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one
to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth!
SAGITTARIUS (The Promiscuous One)
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long
relationships.. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty.. Very
romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun
and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing
in the you know where..!!! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with, you might
end up crying.