Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally.
"What in bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the white bag and said, "It's a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband".
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
"Good trade."
A boss walked into the office one morning, not knowing that his zipper was down and his fly area was open.
His secretary walked up to him and said, "Boss, this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"
This was not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done with his paperwork he suddenly noticed that his zipper wan not zipped up. He zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, finally understood.
He then, intentionally, went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary. When he reached her desk he said, "When you saw the garage door open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?"
The secretary smiled for a moment and said, "No boss I didn't, all I saw was a mini van with 2 flat tires."
There's no blurry photograph on my Poetic license;
I didn't have to parallel park in iambic pentameter to get it.
I don't have to show my Poetic license to the doorman to get into a bar.
I don't have to show my Poetic license to cash a check.
I don't have to wait in line to get my Poetic license renewed.
They won't take away my Poetic license for writing too fast,
For failure to come to a complete stop at the end of the page,
Or for rhyming under the influence.
It's a license to take you further than any internal combustion engine ever
could.
A license to fish for just the right word.
A license to carry a loaded pun.
A license to kill rules of grammar and syntax,
All in the name of art.
Poetic license -
Apply for yours today.
Tom Swiss
A young Hillbilly named Kenny moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The following day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me back my money.
The farmer said, I'm sorry, I can't do that. I spent it.
Kenny said, "OK. Just bring me the dead donkey."
The farmer asked, "What are you going to do with him?"
Kenny answered, "I"m going to raffle him off."
The farmer said "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny responded "Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny answered, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.00."
The farmer asked, "Did anyone complain?"
Kenny said, "Just the guy who won, so I gave him back his two dollars."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.
A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to co-ordinate their travel schedules, so the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realising his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
Your Loving Husband
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at Him and call out "Hello". He's a little taken aback because he just can't place where he knows her from.So he says "Do we know each other?"
To which she replies "Yes, I think you're the father of one of my kids."
His mind races back to the only time he'd been unfaithful to his wife and Says "Oh, my God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your Girlfriend spanked my butt with a celery stick????"
She looked calmly into his eyes and said "No, I'm your son's math Teacher."
After serious & cautious consideration.....your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2007!
My Wish for You in 2007
May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal
your debts.
May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.
May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!
May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap
you across the face and may your
tears be that of joy.
May the problems you had forget your home address!
In simple words ............
May 2007 be the best year of your life!