Happy IVGLDSW Day!
Today is International Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman's Day.
And remember this motto to live by:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate
in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" Have a wonderful day !
To the Girls !!
Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what
the hell happened.
-Cora Harvey Armstrong-
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can
usually shut the bitch up with cookies.
(Unknown)
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)-
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as
stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber-
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin-
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one
being -- hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck-
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what
he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome-
The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
-Jane Sellman-
Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through
the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to
be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton-
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your
body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen-
I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days
attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be
a horrible warning.
-Catherine-
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know
I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing
them.
-Sue Grafton-
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men
invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler-
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson-
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want
anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage
and a career.
-Gloria Steinem-
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep
his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
The Good Wife's Guide
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal
ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have
be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry
when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome
needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dust cloth over the tables.
During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first -remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
A good wife always knows her place.
All The Things I Learned About Life Are From The Easter Bunny!
Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
There's no such thing as too much candy.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
A cute tail attracts a lot of attention.
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
Somebody parts should be floppy.
Keep your paws off other peoples' jellybeans.
Good things come in small sugar coated packages.
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.
An Easter Bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.
The best things in life are sweet and gooey.