WARNING TO ALL DOG OWNERS
The State Highway Patrol in conjunction with the FBI has issued
a warning advising all dog owners to keep their dogs indoors until further notice.
Dogs are being picked off one at a time on an almost continual basis throughout
the city. They are falling in great numbers. Police in the city advise all dog
owners not to walk their dogs - KEEP THEM INDOORS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!
Q : How many women with MENOPAUSE (or PMS) does it take to change a light bulb?
A : One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY?
Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!
They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!!
They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find
the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET
for the past 17 YEARS! !
But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them,
2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light
bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS
CAME IN!!!
BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!
IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED
FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE
ENTIRE HOUSE!!
IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON
WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! . .
I'm sorry ... What was the question???
Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:
It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to
be at least three thousand years old!
The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists
from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting
after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said:
"This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You
can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they
were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing
is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."
Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.
The audience applauded enthusiastically.
Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room
and said, "You idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left...... It says:
"Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman"!!!