Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old
Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their
little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker and they were
hoping for a miracle.
I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it
would be good for the four-year-old Shane
to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from
the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's
family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last
time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few
minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's
transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while
after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are
shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I
know why."
Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me.
I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.
He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
"Ever since I found out I was schizophrenic", he said, "I've been making up songs that are easy to harmonize with. I really like a good sing-a-long. "
Sunday Sermon
"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended
and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."
He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who
was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in
her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"
Church was pretty much over at that point.
Next time you need new windows...
Dear Diary,
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, but this week I got a call from the contractor, complaining his work had been completed a year ago and I had yet to pay for them.
Boy oh boy, did we go around and around!
Just because I'm a blonde Does not mean I'm automatically stupid.
So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year - namely, that in one year, the windows would pay for themselves.
There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up.
I have not heard anything back.
Guess I won that stupid argument.
Old Folk Wisdom?
Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the
kind of chick he marries.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt, that
he forgets his sugar.
Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they
try to decide which one.
If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will
never turn into an old nag.
On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.
A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin',
cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."
The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interests kept up.
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds, and
is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age, and start
bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know
"why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads
weren't paved.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth....Remember
about Algebra.
You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up, or leaks.
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice
change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't
recognize you.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at
when you are old.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your
zipper, but it's really worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft........Today,
it's called Golf.