Women are like apples on trees! The best ones are at the top of the tree! Most men don't reach for the good ones because they are either afraid of falling and getting hurt or don't realize how good the ones on the top of the tree are!
Instead, they just take the apples from the ground that aren't
as good, but they're easier to get. The apples at the top think that something
is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing! They just have to wait
for the right man
to come along, the one who's brave enough and smart enough to climb all the
way to the top of the tree!
Share this with other women who are good apples, even those who have already
been picked! Now ... Men!
Men are like a fine wine! They begin as grapes and it's up to women to stomp
the dickens out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner
with!
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
A litre of milk,
A carton of eggs,
A litre of orange juice,
A head of lettuce,
A can of coffee,
And a pack of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."
A lawyer and a blonde woman happen to be sitting next to each other on a flight from LA to New York. The lawyer leans over to the blonde and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and turns over to the window to catch a few winks!
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works. "I ask you a question and, if you don't know the answer, you pay me and vice-versa." Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep!
The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde, he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer. "Okay, how about this! If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5, but, if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention and figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game! The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a 5-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer!
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs, and comes down with 4?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look! He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references! He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress!
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his coworkers and all of his friends! All to no avail! After over an hour of searching for the answer, he finally gives up! He wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to go back to sleep.
The lawyer, who cannot imagine what the answer is, going nuts trying to figure it out! He is more than a little frustrated! He wakes the blonde and asks, "So? What does go up a hill with 3 legs and come down with 4?"
The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep!
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy,
Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids
could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8,
9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy,"
She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids
could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No, Honey, it's because you're 25